How To Reject Diet Culture This Holiday Season

Anti-diet experts Christy Harrison, MPH, RD, CEDS, and Judith Matz, LCSW, recently came together to answer questions about body image, anti-diet culture, and disordered eating. As co-authors of The Making Peace with Food Card Deck, they shared their insight on some of clinicians' most-asked questions, including one that many may be asked by their clients in the coming weeks:

When I see my family at the holidays, there’ll be a lot of triggering conversations about weight. What should I do?

Judith: This is a common concern for people who start down the anti-diet path because it’s a real shift in your beliefs and values. So often my clients previously engaged in diet talk at the holidays. It was just the norm. Now they’re realizing how harmful and triggering those conversations are, and they want to do something else.

This is where the family dynamic comes in. Some clients are able to sit down and say, “Hey, I want to share with you what I’m doing. I want to tell you why these conversations no longer serve me.” They can to set a boundary, like agreeing that during dinner everyone will enjoy their food and no one will comment on calories.

Some families are receptive to that, but others aren’t, so instead you might try to change the conversation when weight comes up by saying something like, “Rather than talking about weight, I’d like to tell you about this new relationship I’m in.”

Sometimes people get to the point where they just need to leave the room. If the family dynamic is not serving them in any way, it may be time to get up and use the bathroom or go text a friend for support.

I hope that people can plan ahead and have conversations before they go home. While with family, have self-compassion and know that what you’re doing is right for you. I’ve had clients say as they’ve gotten further into this work that they feel sad for family members who are unable to enjoy the holiday meal. Hold on to your own journey and keep finding support in other places if your family doesn’t provide it.

Christy: Changing the subject and having gentle ways to set boundaries are all important. Something that can also be helpful is having someone going into that situation, like a close sibling or cousin, who you can talk to ahead of time about your history with food. They can be an ally to you in this process so that if diet talk does start to come up, they can help in changing the subject, or at least you can elbow each other, roll your eyes, and have that little bit of solidarity.

If you’re going to have any sort of longer conversation, it can be helpful to stay focused on “I” statements, like “In my experience, dieting has been really harmful” or “I’m working to heal from disordered eating and it’s not helpful to have these kinds of conversations about weight.”

Rather than debating people on the science of dieting and weight loss, I often say it’s almost like talking to people about politics or religion. It’s very personal and deep and has so many culturally conditioned roots. Instead of getting into debates, focus on how you feel and what’s worked for you.