Married to the military: 6 tips to support the military couples we work with
But they do. Military sociologist Jacey Eckhart studied 1,200 military couples married over 15 years and still in the service. Her findings reveal an upside to military marriages that may help us as we support these couples.
- The long-lasting couples see their engagement with the service as a calling, not just as a job. They find this to be a meaningful role that provides financial stability and opportunities for advancement. In successful couples, the non-military spouse understands and supports that view of service.
- The strongest couples have a non-military spouse who provides structure and normalcy at home during deployments and time apart. Deployments are expected, and the couple figures out ways to manage time away from each other.
- Couples with the strongest relationships figure out how to pull the partner back into family life upon return from deployments. They talk openly about the challenges and how to navigate them.
- Learn about military culture. Speak their language. Find out what their lives are like.
- Provide resources for couples. A couple of good websites are militaryonesource.mil and www.military.com/spouse. There are many others worth passing on as well.
- Normalize their experiences, and be their cheerleader and guide them as they work through struggles. Instill optimism and hope.
- Arm yourself with knowledge of evidence-based treatment strategies for depression, relationship problems, nightmare and sleep disorders, PTSD and other clinical concerns of service members. Here's just one example of a training on military family issues by PESI speaker Dr. Patrick Brady.
- Suggest that couples, families, and small groups take advantage of Reconnection Workshops, small group modules offered by the American Red Cross Service to the Armed Forces. These 2 hour groups are facilitated by licensed mental health professionals and are offered at no cost and are available anywhere in the country. Topics for adults include communication, anger, stress and trauma, supporting children, and depression.
- Read Eckhart’s study to better understand military marriages.
This blog was contributed by PESI speaker Martha Teater, MA, LMFT, LCAS, LPC. She is part of the work group that developed Reconnection Workshops through the American Red Cross Service to the Armed Forces. She is also a lead instructor for Coping with Deployments, another Red Cross military program. A prolific writer, she has published over 175 articles in newspapers and magazines, and is the coauthor of Overcoming Compassion Fatigue: A Practical Resilience Workbook. Visit her website: www.marthateater.com.
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Martha Teater, MA, LMFT, LCAS, LPC, is a Diplomate with the Academy for Cognitive Therapy and is a practicing cognitive-behavioral therapist. She has maintained a private practice since 1990 and has worked in primary care settings, free clinics, and medication-assisted treatment programs. Martha is a Red Cross disaster mental health manager and has been on many national disaster deployments where she provides support to traumatized people. She is also involved with the Red Cross Service to the Armed Forces to develop programs to support military and veteran families.
She has provided trainings in the United States and internationally on topics such as evidence-based treatments for trauma, DSM-5®, compassion fatigue, and behavioral treatment of chronic pain. A prolific writer, Martha has published over 175 articles in newspapers and magazines, including Psychotherapy Networker and Family Therapy Magazine. Martha is the co-author (with John Ludgate) of Overcoming Compassion Fatigue: A Practical Resilience Workbook (PESI, 2014) and (with Don Teater) Treating Chronic Pain: Pill-Free Approaches to Move People from Hurt to Hope (PESI, 2017).
Speaker Disclosures:
Financial: Martha Teater maintains a private practice and receives compensation as a consultant. She receives a speaking honorarium, recording, and book royalties from Psychotherapy Networker and PESI, Inc. She has no relevant financial relationships with ineligible organizations.
Non-financial: Martha Teater is a member of the Academy of Cognitive Therapy and the American Association for Marriage & Family Therapy. She is a peer reviewer for Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Admiration and a reviewer for the National Board for Certified Counselors.
